Hogwarts: the sounds of the night
by sashik
Summary: Hogwarts at night. Noone is sleeping. Rated R for a reason, people! CH. 3 UP!
1. Here be title

**Hogwarts: Sounds of the night.**

**Author**: Severina

**Translation**: ME

**Genre**: Humor

**Rating**: R

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the story; Severina doesn't own anything, EXEPT for the storyline. Not Harry Potter and anything related to him though :-D

**Pairing**: too many

**Summary**: A night at Hogwarts… No one is sleeping.

**Owlery**:

 *Hoot, hoot* 

**Gryffondor Common Room**:

**Seamus**: Enough, Ron! Shut up, already!

**Ron**: What's enough!? What!? How can you sleep?!

**Seamus**: Oh, yeah… How can I sleep when you are making all this noise? Nothing's gonna happen to your Harry… How about a fuck as long as we are awake?

**Ron**: Well… In this case… Ok, that will help to settle my nerves.

**Dean: **Guys! Can I join?

**Slytherin Common Room: **

**Draco: **Ooh! Oh!! OOHHH!!!!!

**Harry: **Ohh… Eeeh!!! Draco… Where… OOOhhhh!!!… did you learn to do that?

**Draco: **It's… ooh… one of my… oohhh… talents…. Ooohh… passed down…. OH DEAR GOD!!!

**McGonagall's Room: **

…

**Filtch's Room:**

Ksksks! Come here, Norris, baby!.. Come, I'll scratch you behind your ear. Behind your tummy… *MEOW!* Quiet! Don't jerk! What are you??? Playing hard to get!? It's not like you are a girl anymore!? Yeah… Ohhh!!! Aaaahhh!!! That's better… Oooohhh….Whah?? What the??? MINERVA!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE???

**Snape's Room: **

Oooh!!! Again!!! Oh, my goodness!!! Severus! I love you!!!  Mmm…. Oh, Merlin!!! More!!! Ohhh… Just a little bit more!!! YES!!! YES!!!! Oh… cool… Again, I went above and beyond… Without anyone's help, I might notice! In everything, only trust your self! Hmm… Interesting thought… Maybe I should write it down! 

**Dumbledore's room: **

Yes, baby… Open your mouth…. Yeah, like that… Ohh… Eeehh… My goodness!!! Who would have thought? Ohhh…. Only a hat…. Ohhh…. Oh, Merlin!

**Dobby's "room": **

*tear* My sock!!! It's so worn…What am I supposed to do now!!! *sob* Freedom for a new sock!!!!

**Hargrid's Hut**:

Ohh…. Mmm…. Eeehh… Ooh…. Like that…. You are so hot! My dear boy!  Mmm…. Again!!! So much passion, so much flame!!! Mm…. That's why I love you… Norbert!

**Chamber of Secrets**:

**Tom Riddle**: Nazini!! You are almost undressing me with that stare! It's so hot…. Come to me!!! I mean creep to me!!!


	2. THE Sequel is here!

**Hogwarts**: **Sounds** **of the Night II**

**Author**: Me

**Genre**: Humor

**Disclaimer**: the usual stuff

**A/N**: times merge together here so timeline-wise, it doesn't make sense…. And yeah, the previous one was me translating someone else…. And this is me, being bored

**Shrieking**** Shack**:

**Sirius**: Well, hot-diggidi-damn, I'm bored. Whatever should I do? I know! I'll transform into my adorable doggy form and go into the woods and get raped by the wolfs!

**The**** Pumpkin Patch**:

**Hagrid**: Oh you naughty boy, you! –giggles- I didn't know you liked it rough! OH!!! Into blood play too, are we!? Oh do that again!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! Buckbeak, I love you! A hundred times better then Norbert! Although… Maybe we should have a threesome sometime! OOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!!

**Leaky**** Cauldron**:

**Fudge**: Oh wow, I never new… And that was the BEST blowjob ever!! And now let's go to the Lost & Found and sniff the underwear that was left behind? Oh Tom, I knew you'd agree!

**Cave**** in the Forbidden Forest**:

**Gollum**: My preccccccioussssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss………………….. Commmmmmmme to meeeeeeee my precccccccccccioussssssssss Dobbbbbbbbbby……..

**Clearing**** at the Forbidden Forest**:

**Werewolf** named **Remus**: Garrrrr…. Who's that shaggy-rrrrr dog-rrrr over therrrre? Check out that sexy ass! Come herrrre baby, it's time to get rrraped!

**The Durmstrang Carriage, Krum's Room**:

**Hermoine**: Wow, Vicky---, I mean, Victor!!! I knew getting you "Sex for Dummies as applied to Quidditch" would spice up our sex life!

**Krum**: -grunt- And this is what I call, scoring the Quaffle.

**Hermoine**: -screams of orgasms- OH MERLIN! This is the best I've ever had! Now do tickling the Snitch again!

**Hallway**:

**Neville**: -mutters- Oh sure, leave me out of the orgy. I CAN DO IT MYSELF! Ooo, Neville, you've outdone yourself this time! Wait, whose hand is that? FRED AND GEORGE!?


	3. The Sequel of THE sequel!

Hogwarts: Sounds of the Night III

Author: Me

Genre: Humor

Disclaimer: the usual stuff

* * *

**Gryffindor** **Bathroom**: 

**Ginny**: Ah, just the time to take a nice, relaxing bath in the confines of a house-limited bathroom. –looks around suspiciously- Where no one, and I mean, NO ONE, can disturb my peace... -laughs maniacally, while getting out diary and writing in it- Dear Tommy (I you know you like it when I call you that), before we can indulge in planning for taking over the world, how about a nice little orgy with that giant spider in your memory world? Take me away, loverboy!

**Tom**: You know, for a 12-year old, she sure does know a lot about sex... and she sure does use extensive language...

-whoosh-

**Giant** **Spider**: ...Why do I even bother staying at the castle? I know! Multiple orgasms!! Wheeeee!

**Snape's Chambers**: 

**Snape**: Miss Brown, you've been a baaaad girl! Now bend over that desk and take your punishment like a bitch that you are.

**Lavender**: Yes Master! –whispers- Whatever raises my grades... -screams- OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!

**Privet** **Drive**: 

**Vernon**: Well, Ms. Figg, I never knew you were into swinging.

**Ms. Figg**: I'm not. I'm just here to distract you, so Harry can escape your fascist-like regime through the window upstairs, and now I'm not afraid to tell you this, because you are too stupid, --and blissfully orgasmic---, to comprehend what I'm saying.

**Petunia**: Right you are!

**Dudley**: Mommy, Daddy, what are you doing?

**Vernon**: Oh nothing, my son, just scarring you for years to come, leaving you nothing but an empty shell, ultimately leading to your untimely death by suicide in the near future.

**Dudley**: ...I think I'm gonna go 'play' with some neighborhood kids... That's less scarring.

**Somewhere in the Forbidden Forest**: 

**The Grim**: I would like to declare this meeting of Oh-so-memorable Omens in Popular Stories, also known as OOPS, open.

**Frank the Bunny**: So I'm like, dude, the world will end soon, and he's like, what, and I'm like, DUDE, the world will END! I think he was stoned...

**The Crimson Butterfly**: Why am I even here? The two evil twin girls will probably follow me here... Idiots. We better leave before they come and discover us.

**Frank the Bunny**: -cough- Then don't come next time...

**The Grim**: Yes, yes, we all made our mistakes... But before we adjourn, I say we rejoice in a sacrificial orgy, like we usually do!

**Gollum**: Good, because that's the only reason I came... Not really being an omen at all...

**Hallway**:  
  
**Cedric**: Hey Cho, wanna go with me?  
  
**Cho**: ..."Go" with you? Go where?  
  
**Cedric**: Well, I meant in the metaphorical sense, to which most people couldn't allude to, but... hmm, how about behind that statue for a nice little shag?  
  
**Cho**: Oh boy!  
  
**Cedric**: But no screams of orgasms this time... Don't wanna get caught again.  
  
**Cho**: Well, I wouldn't mind...  
  
**Cedric**: You wanna get in an orgy with Snape-y boy again, don't ya...  
  
**Cho**: Well, it WAS rather enjoyable.  
  
**Cedric**: There are some things I'll never understand...  
  
**Cho**: One of them being how to satisfy a woman properly!!  
  
**Cedric**: So all that time you were faking it?! Then why don't you go to Snape, and maybe HE would be able to 'satisfy' you!  
  
**Cho**: I would, but he's giving extra lessons to Lavender right now!! So right now YOU would have to suffice.  
  
**Cedric**: -tries to act indignant, but fails miserably, and with screams of joy, drags Cho behind a random statue-

* * *

Anyone who can find allusions to examples of popular culture gets a cyber cookie. 


End file.
